Gambling Has Destroyed Me
There was really nothing in my life to tell me it was wrong,” Alonzo says. Kayte Conroy, Ph.D., of the Rehabilitation Counseling Program at the State University of New York at Buffalo, explains that gambling is both a financial issue and an addiction that simply doesn’t get the attention it needs. However, Gambling addiction which I developed from about 19 has destroyed everything in my life and I’m now 31. It has destroyed my personality, my relationships, my hope for the future and of course my finances. I could literally write an essay on gambling and how it has destroyed my life. I now find myself with no hope and in despair. I have finally had enough of my husband's gambling. I have been reflecting back on our life, and am stunned how I hid the gambling from everyone who loves me, including my 9 year old child. What is really sad is how my now ex refuses to acknowledge that he even has a problem. Now there is a third 'person'( gambling ) and it is tearing me apart. Each time I have tried to talk to my husband about his gambling, he has turned on me with such anger and resentment. He said the reason he gambles is that it relaxes him. And he adamantly said he does not want me to question him on this again.
My story starts Two years back when we all friends went out for a dinner party...there I saw one of my friend making bets for a cricket match..within 30 mins or so he won 15000 bucks...I got really excited by this and asked him how to make bets & all other stuffs. he gave me his bookies number.. I taught it was fun & wat harm it would do even if I loose few thousands...in the first few matches i made small bets which i lost...then i thaught its better to cover all the money at once by making a bigger bet...but i lost that too...slowly the hole started getting bigger. I always use to tell myself let me cover my all money & will surely stop this betting sh**..but it didn't happnd i started loosing huge sums..I may be hav won few times... all my savings were gone..i started borrowing money from my friends...relatives even from money lenders on huge interest rates...and i lost all the money...there came a time when there was hardly anyone left in my contact list from whom would I have not asked for money...rite now i owe a lot of money to lot of ppl..my family doesn't knows anything about it..I just pretend that everything is alrite...everyday...every moment i think how i am going to pay them back...wat if my family comes to know about my debts & betting addiction...that feeling really shatters my heart...now there's not a single person in society who will lend me a penny...I face insults...humiliation every single day...even my friends keep insulting me...I'm their hottest topic...I hav begged them so that they don't tell it to my family...when I'm alone I cry for hours...blaming the GOD for all that is happening...but its the choices I hav made hav ruined my life...and only I'm responsible for that. Two years back I had the best life anyone could hav imagined...ppl use to admire me...but now I don't hav any friend left...I hardly go out of the house...I'm sick of lying to my parents of why im not going out...The biggest fear for me is my family. I don't want them to know anything but I know my jar is filled and hardly in few days they will know everything... to keep everything secret I need to pay my debtrs..and for that i need to bet once again but I don't have any money & no one will give me a single penny..as a last throw of a dice i took my moms jewlery & mortgaged it...thought after winning will get it back...but today also I lost...i don't know wat to do..the only option left for me is to kill myself...I guess its better then to keep dieing every single day of your life...I don't know wat will happen when they will come to know about this..at least I will not be here to face them...
The only thing I wanted in my life is to die in respect...and not cowardly taking out your own life...but for me its my only option..
I just wished if god would have killed me two years back before I was going with my friends for dinner...I would hav not gone through all this suffering...through this post I just want people who are addicted to gambling to know that how drastically it can change your life..& your loved ones life..
Gambling Has Destroyed Meaning
I don't know wat image will be left of me after my death...I just want to say I'm not a bad guy..its just time & situation made me this..